Managing Your Child's Behavior Through Positive Reinforcement

Ever hear the term the "terrible-twos"? Who hasn't, right? Those poor two-year-olds have had a bad rap. It's not enough that they've spent the last two years learning to talk so they can yell right in the middle of any important situation you may be in: "Mommy, I went poop!" They've also learned to walk in front of cars in the parking lot, run from us at bedtime - and their manual dexterity is great. (They practice it all the time as they peel off all the labels on your canned goods.) Two year olds aren't really that bad. Kids at any age can seem difficult if they aren't managed the right way. They're out of control. .

Behavior management is actually manipulating your children's time and behavior so that they don't have the time, or need, to get into situations that make us want to label them terrible. If you're an over-sensitive parent who thinks it's just awful to want to manipulate your children, look the word up. It means to guide, direct, or handle.

So the thought of manipulating your children isn't so bad when you realize that all you're doing is guiding or directing the things that they do so they stay out of trouble. The way you guide your children is by doing the following: Give praise, give lots of attention, keep idle hands busy, keep a safe and happy house, and above all - don't forget to laugh!

Praise means giving hugs, kisses, pats on the back and on the head, and saying things like, "Wow, look what you did" or "That's wonderful" when your children have done something good. When you praise your children, you're giving them positive feedback for what they've just done. They, in turn, will want to do more things to make you happy. Kids love to hear how good they are, that you're proud of them, or that you think they're special. Don't hold out on giving these comments to your kids - you need to be their best cheerleaders: "Charlie, Charlie , he's our man, if anyone can break it, Charlie can!"

When you praise your children for picking up their toys, or taking something to the trash, they'll quickly learn to do these things again to get that same positive attention from you. Say "Thank you" or "Good for you" whenever you can. When your child brings you a dead spider he found on the floor, smile big, give him a hug, and thank him. He needs to know that you appreciate his efforts.

Praise, however, is like eating M&Ms. If you ate the one-pound bag of M&Ms all in one sitting, several times a day, you'd get sick. Too much of a good thing. But if you spread that bag out over a period of time and just ate one M&M every now and then, you wouldn't get sick. Same thing with giving out praise. You don't want to overdo it because both you and your child would get sick (sort of). But if you dole it out like one M&M every little bit, it'll just make you feel warm and glowing all over, just like M&Ms do.